Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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