dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
even my farts smell like vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
