I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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