Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
