She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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