Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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