I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize