sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
