listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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