honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
