Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
