The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
