Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
