Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
