Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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