You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
