If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize