were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
