can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
