I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
