i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The beer is more important than you right now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
