i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
