Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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