I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
