They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She needs sedatives and a leash
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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