I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
