I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
