I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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