your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
