is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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