be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
