eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
