I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize