You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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