Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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