I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize