fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
