Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize