If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
