his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
