I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
