great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize