Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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