How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
