maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
