Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
