Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
