Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
