This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
