And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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