Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
