I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
