I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
