Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
