I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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