Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
