Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
