Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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