Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
