i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
