Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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