he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
tell me about the fingering
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