i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
