its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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