As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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