Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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