are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
